Shedding pain, sharing stories: Carla Shepard goes deep to help others
By Kirk Woundy
By Kirk Woundy
As a Mexican-American woman who is also LGBTQ+, a veteran, and in recovery from both mental health issues and drug misuse, Carla Shepard has a unique ability to connect with some of the most marginalized people in our society.
It also doesn’t hurt that her service dog, Marlee, with her huge brown eyes and constantly wagging tail, could melt anyone’s heart.
For the better part of the last year, Carla has lent her gifts to NAMI Colorado Springs as a public speaker, office volunteer and support group facilitator. She has spoken with and/or supported literally hundreds of people within our world, from police officers in Crisis Intervention Team training to nursing students at the University of Colorado Colorado Springs.
With Carla having relocated to Denver a couple of weeks ago, we wanted to make sure that more local people got to hear her story — and her thoughts on why NAMI is worthy of financial support during this end-of-year fundraising season. As she puts it, “I've watched people grow, I've watched people heal, I've watched people release their pain, I've watched people get support. Everything NAMI does is so important.”
(Note: The following interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.)
How did you first find NAMI?
I had started a nonprofit in San Diego called The Never Feel Alone Foundation, in 2017. So I would travel and create small groups of meditation groups, mindfulness groups, stuff like that, and I would share my story there.
In March 2021, I gave a presentation or a speech to the VA in San Diego. A representative from NAMI was there, and she approached me and said, "Carla, you should consider coming to do In Our Own Voice presentations for NAMI in San Diego.” Of course she did not know that I was getting ready to leave San Diego. Nor did I.
But that July, I took a trip all over the U.S. … and I realized after seven weeks of nonstop traveling with my little Marlee that spiritually I was being called to Colorado Springs.
Once I settled in, I reached out to [then-volunteer manager Scott Foxwell] at NAMI Colorado Springs, and we had kind of an interview. And I said, "Look, I want to throw myself into whatever you need, as much as you need — let me help you guys out.” He got me trained immediately to be a Connection Support Group facilitator, and he had me do my first speech for the Crisis Intervention Team training about three weeks later. And then he had me trained for In Our Own Voice to be able to share my story to universities, clinics, inpatient treatment programs, things like that. It's been quite a phenomenal journey.
Could you share a little bit about your mental health background?
I am someone who suffers from complex post-traumatic stress disorder, major depressive disorder, traumatic brain injury — I guess the VA calls it a form of psychosis — and major anxiety. And a lot of that was incurred in the military. I was sexually traumatized. I was raped more than once.
After I reported everything that had happened to me, the military turned its back on me. So I started to indulge in almost a gallon of hard liquor daily, and 18 beers a day on top of that hard liquor. I had started to do some street drugs, and I ended up losing myself.
The military … deemed me having a personality disorder. It wasn't until, I think, five years later that the VA finally diagnosed me with all of those symptoms.
After the military, I was getting DUIs, I was spending nights in jail for domestic violence, I was erratic, I was irrational, I was violent. I could not control my emotions. I was an angry individual in all aspects of my life. I hated my life, I hated who I was. I was a dark person, and it showed.
The only thing I knew was that I needed to stop drinking. But that wasn't it. Drinking was a symptom of what I was experiencing, something I was trying to use to cope. It was a symptom of PTSD, the major depressive disorder, the psychosis. It was a nightmare, and it took me — I got out in 2005, and from 2005 to 2015, that is how long the VA allowed me to get treated in inpatient treatment programs.
When I went through a divorce in 2019, it started to bring up those kinds of symptoms again. However, I quickly put myself back at the VA, in front of doctors, psychologists, therapists, even for medication. And I said, “Hey, you know what, I'm going through something terrible ... and I need help.” And they jumped on it.
How long did you serve in the military?
Three years and eight months. I went in September 24, 2001, so right after September 11 happened. I was a cook.
When I got out of the military, I continued on that culinary journey. But during my whole culinary journey, I was doing street drugs and drinking every day.
I still showed up on time and left on time, but I was an utter mess. I could not keep friends, I could not keep relationships, and when I felt that they were starting to assume my drug usage, I would slowly give them two-week notice and look for another job quickly, so no one could say anything bad about me. It was a cycle of having to do that just to hide what I was doing.
You talk about difficult times when you deliver NAMI presentations. When you do, how aware are you of how people are taking it in, and what do you often see on their faces?
Sometimes I don't know what I see. I see people crying, I see people nodding their heads, like, "Wow." Once I get off stage, I get people who come to me and want to ask me questions, or they shake my hand and say, "Girl, you have such a powerful story, I'm never going to forget that."
At Crisis Intervention training, I've had officers hand me their business cards or shake my hand or give me a hug, nodding their head like, "Yes, girl, I get you, I'm so proud of you." That encourages me as it helps educate them. I see and I've heard that it makes a difference in their lives to go to this training and to hear about mental illness from someone else's perspective ...
It gets more comfortable, sharing the same story over and over. But it's still powerful to me. I'm like, "Wow, I really lived that?" Every time I share the story, I get tears. They flow down while I'm sharing the story, but I say to myself, “Girl, you have truly transformed. And transformed people can transform people.” And that's what, once again, NAMI has allowed me to do, is to help me transform and share my story in such a loving and compassionate manner. I could share it anywhere, and know that it could have a heartfelt effect, like, "If she can go through these things … I can go through this too, and I know that one day I can heal like her."
And then there's the whole support group piece.
I started to be the lead facilitator for the online Connection group about nine months ago. I have developed a family there. We can talk about anything and everything, and I won't be like, "Oh, whoa, we can't talk about that.” No, we CAN talk about that. We just do it methodically and mindfully.
How are things going for you now?
I just wrote my résumé and my cover letter and submitted my applications to become a peer recovery coach or peer support specialist, because NAMI sent me to school to be a peer support specialist ...
I am ready to go now and be of service to an organization — to a hospital or for veterans — and to be this peer support. And to continue on this journey of compassion and connection and helping others, serving others, serving the community.
But you’ll still be volunteering for us, too?
You guys are my family. NAMI is my family. So you guys are stuck with me whether you like it or not.
NAMI Colorado Springs can offer Family-to-Family and Family Support Group at no cost because of the generosity of its donors. And with more than 80 volunteers helping us deliver programs, we do our best to keep costs low. If you can help support our classes and groups for people like Carla, please consider donating here.
It also doesn’t hurt that her service dog, Marlee, with her huge brown eyes and constantly wagging tail, could melt anyone’s heart.
For the better part of the last year, Carla has lent her gifts to NAMI Colorado Springs as a public speaker, office volunteer and support group facilitator. She has spoken with and/or supported literally hundreds of people within our world, from police officers in Crisis Intervention Team training to nursing students at the University of Colorado Colorado Springs.
With Carla having relocated to Denver a couple of weeks ago, we wanted to make sure that more local people got to hear her story — and her thoughts on why NAMI is worthy of financial support during this end-of-year fundraising season. As she puts it, “I've watched people grow, I've watched people heal, I've watched people release their pain, I've watched people get support. Everything NAMI does is so important.”
(Note: The following interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.)
How did you first find NAMI?
I had started a nonprofit in San Diego called The Never Feel Alone Foundation, in 2017. So I would travel and create small groups of meditation groups, mindfulness groups, stuff like that, and I would share my story there.
In March 2021, I gave a presentation or a speech to the VA in San Diego. A representative from NAMI was there, and she approached me and said, "Carla, you should consider coming to do In Our Own Voice presentations for NAMI in San Diego.” Of course she did not know that I was getting ready to leave San Diego. Nor did I.
But that July, I took a trip all over the U.S. … and I realized after seven weeks of nonstop traveling with my little Marlee that spiritually I was being called to Colorado Springs.
Once I settled in, I reached out to [then-volunteer manager Scott Foxwell] at NAMI Colorado Springs, and we had kind of an interview. And I said, "Look, I want to throw myself into whatever you need, as much as you need — let me help you guys out.” He got me trained immediately to be a Connection Support Group facilitator, and he had me do my first speech for the Crisis Intervention Team training about three weeks later. And then he had me trained for In Our Own Voice to be able to share my story to universities, clinics, inpatient treatment programs, things like that. It's been quite a phenomenal journey.
Could you share a little bit about your mental health background?
I am someone who suffers from complex post-traumatic stress disorder, major depressive disorder, traumatic brain injury — I guess the VA calls it a form of psychosis — and major anxiety. And a lot of that was incurred in the military. I was sexually traumatized. I was raped more than once.
After I reported everything that had happened to me, the military turned its back on me. So I started to indulge in almost a gallon of hard liquor daily, and 18 beers a day on top of that hard liquor. I had started to do some street drugs, and I ended up losing myself.
The military … deemed me having a personality disorder. It wasn't until, I think, five years later that the VA finally diagnosed me with all of those symptoms.
After the military, I was getting DUIs, I was spending nights in jail for domestic violence, I was erratic, I was irrational, I was violent. I could not control my emotions. I was an angry individual in all aspects of my life. I hated my life, I hated who I was. I was a dark person, and it showed.
The only thing I knew was that I needed to stop drinking. But that wasn't it. Drinking was a symptom of what I was experiencing, something I was trying to use to cope. It was a symptom of PTSD, the major depressive disorder, the psychosis. It was a nightmare, and it took me — I got out in 2005, and from 2005 to 2015, that is how long the VA allowed me to get treated in inpatient treatment programs.
When I went through a divorce in 2019, it started to bring up those kinds of symptoms again. However, I quickly put myself back at the VA, in front of doctors, psychologists, therapists, even for medication. And I said, “Hey, you know what, I'm going through something terrible ... and I need help.” And they jumped on it.
How long did you serve in the military?
Three years and eight months. I went in September 24, 2001, so right after September 11 happened. I was a cook.
When I got out of the military, I continued on that culinary journey. But during my whole culinary journey, I was doing street drugs and drinking every day.
I still showed up on time and left on time, but I was an utter mess. I could not keep friends, I could not keep relationships, and when I felt that they were starting to assume my drug usage, I would slowly give them two-week notice and look for another job quickly, so no one could say anything bad about me. It was a cycle of having to do that just to hide what I was doing.
You talk about difficult times when you deliver NAMI presentations. When you do, how aware are you of how people are taking it in, and what do you often see on their faces?
Sometimes I don't know what I see. I see people crying, I see people nodding their heads, like, "Wow." Once I get off stage, I get people who come to me and want to ask me questions, or they shake my hand and say, "Girl, you have such a powerful story, I'm never going to forget that."
At Crisis Intervention training, I've had officers hand me their business cards or shake my hand or give me a hug, nodding their head like, "Yes, girl, I get you, I'm so proud of you." That encourages me as it helps educate them. I see and I've heard that it makes a difference in their lives to go to this training and to hear about mental illness from someone else's perspective ...
It gets more comfortable, sharing the same story over and over. But it's still powerful to me. I'm like, "Wow, I really lived that?" Every time I share the story, I get tears. They flow down while I'm sharing the story, but I say to myself, “Girl, you have truly transformed. And transformed people can transform people.” And that's what, once again, NAMI has allowed me to do, is to help me transform and share my story in such a loving and compassionate manner. I could share it anywhere, and know that it could have a heartfelt effect, like, "If she can go through these things … I can go through this too, and I know that one day I can heal like her."
And then there's the whole support group piece.
I started to be the lead facilitator for the online Connection group about nine months ago. I have developed a family there. We can talk about anything and everything, and I won't be like, "Oh, whoa, we can't talk about that.” No, we CAN talk about that. We just do it methodically and mindfully.
How are things going for you now?
I just wrote my résumé and my cover letter and submitted my applications to become a peer recovery coach or peer support specialist, because NAMI sent me to school to be a peer support specialist ...
I am ready to go now and be of service to an organization — to a hospital or for veterans — and to be this peer support. And to continue on this journey of compassion and connection and helping others, serving others, serving the community.
But you’ll still be volunteering for us, too?
You guys are my family. NAMI is my family. So you guys are stuck with me whether you like it or not.
NAMI Colorado Springs can offer Family-to-Family and Family Support Group at no cost because of the generosity of its donors. And with more than 80 volunteers helping us deliver programs, we do our best to keep costs low. If you can help support our classes and groups for people like Carla, please consider donating here.